Note to self

Enough excuses. No more procrastination. You started this blog. So. Think. Write. Share. Often. Daily. In. December.

Thursday Thanks(giving)

My heart is full and I am thankful. It’s Thanksgiving 2010 and I am filled with wonder and awe at the blessings in my life. The past year has been truly amazing and stands in stark contrast to 2009, which can easily be categorized as the worst year of my life.

Without going into the details, I’ll say that my son, Matt, made some poor choices that had devastating consequences. My world was rocked and there were days so filled with stress and fear that I will never forget them. My faith was truly tested and at times my hope was gone. As December approached, my thought was, “Well, at least this year will end better than it started.” Sadly, that turned out to be far from the truth as yet another challenge with Matt arose just a week before Christmas.

Fast forward almost a year and our lives have changed dramatically. This year, 2010, is one of the best years of my life. My heart is full with gratitude for having Matt back, fully present and engaged in his life. All of the best parts of him – his intelligence, his sense of humor, his tender-heartedness, his warmth, his caring, his sensitivity, and his playfulness – are shining brightly. He is embracing life and is choosing to live above the influence, with almost a year of sobriety under his belt. Matt has learned from some really tough experiences in the last year and he has matured a lot because of them.

As parents, we want nothing more than for our children to be healthy and happy. When they aren’t and there is nothing we can do about it, it is hard. When they choose to go down a self-destructive path, it is devastating. After too many years of seeing Matt sell himself short, my heart is overflowing with thanks for all he has accomplished and become this year. I can say that every day with him this year has been positive in some way.

Today we spent the day with our good friends, the Hubbards, and it was emotional for me as I thought about today compared to the holidays last year. Oh, there are many things to be thankful for, such as our friends who have become part of our extended family, for the amazing bounty of food prepared with love and care, for the beautiful Northwest, for our homes and jobs and the richness that fills our lives.

What I am most thankful for today, though, is the quiet moments that I had with Matt today. At one point, we sat on the couch while everyone was hustling and bustling around us. We sat side by side, Matt had his arm around my shoulders, and we talked about our fish. It was a simple moment, but it was so full of promise and hope and love and thankfulness. Me and my boy, side by side, enjoying each other’s company, surrounded by people we love who love us in return.

And later, we had another quiet moment in which I told Matt how thankful I am for all he has done and become in the last year. As we were hugging, Kim grabbed my camera and captured this picture.

I told Matt that I loved him and he said, “There is no place I would rather be right now.” My heart is full and I am thankful.

Thursday Thanks

Happy Veterans Day and thank you to all of the women and men who have served our country.

Six-Word Sunday

Time with Matt;
what a gift!

Halloween Memories

My last post was a photo of me and my son, Matt, on Halloween. For his official costume, Matt dressed up as the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He even grew his hair out so that he could get a fade.

On Halloween, Matt donned an impromptu costume to hand out candy to the neighborhood kids. It totally reminded me of one of his costumes from when he was a kid. He loved this costume and it was a big hit at the church festival that year. All of the little kids kept asking Matt, "Who is under there?"



1997

Finding that photo led me to looking for other pics from Halloween and here is what I found:

1995

1994



1998

 

2001

1990 - First Halloween



1993



2001



1992

Six-Word Sunday

You're never too old for Halloween!

It sparkles, it shines--and it's all mine!

Yesterday I got something I have been wanting for a long, long time. I’ve tried countless times to get it before, but for lots of reasons, it has eluded me. Still, my longing for it never went away and every so often I would once again try to figure out how I could get it. My efforts and desires were never in sync, until yesterday.

I had to work to get it and I know that every time I see it, it will make me happy. Some people might think I am crazy for wanting it so badly and for never letting it get entirely out of my head. I would guess there are at least a few people who feel the same as I do. While it is not essential and these last years of my life have proven that I can live without it, it is a sight to behold.

It sparkles, it shines—and it is all mine! Look at it in all of its magnificence:

Do you see what I see? It is a toilet bowl that looks like it is brand new! It is shiny and white and oh so pretty. Yeah, well, now you know I am a bit of a goof because this makes me really happy. This commode in the guest bath was riddled with hard-water stains for years and try as I might, I could never get rid of them. I purchased so many different products, filled with hope each time that this would be the one that worked. And yesterday, it was! (I got a bathroom stone at Freddy’s for about $3; combined with some elbow grease, I ended up with the beauty before you!)

Oh, it sparkles, it shines—and it is all mine!

Six-Word Sunday

Satisfied from a very productive day.

Thursday Thanks

I am thankful for crisp, clear fall days. I love the blue sky in contrast to red, yellow and orange leaves. I love the slight chill in the air in the mornings, followed by afternoons that are comfortable, but not cold. I love seeing piles of leaves, knowing that on Halloween children will be scurrying through them as they race from house to house. I love the sunsets which color the  few clouds in the sky, making them look like fluffy, pink cotton candy. I love anticipating the arrival of the holidays and spending meaningful time with family and friends. I love fall!

Lessons on Living

As I previously mentioned, Ann, one of my co-workers and friends, has recently been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Ann has created a blog on CaringBridge and every day she posts to keep her family and friends up to date. In a little over a week, there have been over 1,100 visits to Ann's site, which is reflective of how much she is loved and also, I think, of the courage, grace and humor with which she is facing her current situation.

Every day I read what Ann has posted and there are lessons to be learned in watching this amazing woman create a community amongst all of the people who know her from the many chapters in her life. You see, even in the midst of this life-changing diagnosis, Ann is positive, focused on love and bringing people together. Here are a few of the lessons I have learned:

(These are Ann's words, not mine.)

• Life is learning about the world and yourself in that world.
• I like to think of being pulled along by joy rather than pushed by fear.
• Let your kites and your hearts fly free! No strings.
• No weeping, sobbing, tears, or deep sighs please.
• Jesus? I’m a fan of the man, but not a believer in the God. I like his message of love, peace, and generosity. I'd like it if more of his followers actually lived his lessons.
• I have faith that the power of love is stronger and longer lasting than the power of hate.
• You are like a strand of strong, beautiful pearls: each one on the string contributing to the wholeness of my life.
• Don't you think this is what a resume should look like? Not "look at what I've done" but "look at the people in my life?"
• Whoever said, “You’ll feel better after a good cry” was WRONG! I always feel worse. Now, a good laugh, a deeply belted out song – those will make me feel better!
• You also know that I am more comfortable with a half-assed plan than no plan at all. Make a plan! Who cares if you don’t know all the info? You’ll NEVER know all the info! Go. Do. Be. Make a list of things to do and then do them!
• OK, everybody. In Angie’s honor – go out there and do something that makes you want to shit your pants. It could be physical, or social, or emotional. What are you AFRAID of?? Do it anyway.
• “Sorry, this trumps your stupid little problems. Get over it! Get over yourself. Get over your fear. Realize that so much of what makes you nuts doesn't matter. What the f are you waiting for?????”
• This is the day folks! The one you have. What are you looking forward to? Do something that will build your capacity and resilience. (You never know when you’ll need it.)

Though her current situation has taken Ann out of the classroom, she continues to teach with every post and comment she makes on her blog. And I, for one, am thankful to be learning these lessons!