Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

Today is the last day of 2010 and while I am looking forward to a new year, I am also reflecting on the last 365 days. What an amazing, wonderful year this has been. Much the same as 2009 was the worst year of my life, 2010 has been the best year of my life! I am grateful that the two happened back-to-back, because the challenges of 2009 had diminished my joy for life and I needed a bad-ass, full of good things year to swing the pendulum the other way. While there are and always will be challenges in my life, this year is ending at a time when I feel so incredibly blessed for all that I have and everyone that I know.

At the top of my list, my own sweet boy, Matty, is happier than I have ever seen him. Matt has had an epiphanous year; he has learned much about himself and is becoming such a fine man. He is in a healthy and happy relationship with Brooke, and the blessing on top of that blessing is her daughter, BG (as previously noted, I am using the pseudonym Baby Girl). Matt is in love with the pair of them, and it fills my heart with warmth and joy to see how tender, kind and caring he is with his girls. There is nothing more fulfilling as a parent than seeing my adult child making good choices and loving his life!

Like Matt, I have learned a lot about myself this year. I think I am most content to know that my capacity for learning, changing and growing is still intact. As I settle in to mid-life, I have at times wondered if I am becoming too set in my ways. What 2010 has taught me, as I compare and contrast it with 2009, is that I can be thrown into new situations, sometimes hard, unappealing or even unimaginable, and I can get through them. What at first is scary or unknown can become part of a new normal, and I will be okay. Strike that. I will not only be okay, but my capacity for empathy and caring will actually expand, and I will be better than I was before because my understanding about life and humanity has amplified.

2010 unfolded and changed in ways I never expected or could have anticipated. As it draws to a close, I sit here happy, content, full of joy for where I am at this moment in my life. I have an amazing son, my parents are healthy and happy, my siblings and their families are all doing well, and I have been richly blessed with incredible friends. I have a good job, a nice home, and truly want for nothing because I am privileged to live in the richest country in the world.

I am thankful for 2010 being a kick-ass year and I am excited to say, "Hello, 2011!"

Thursday Thanks

Today I am thankful for the many holiday gatherings that I have been to and that still remain. It has been so wonderful to spend time relaxing with friends. And my favorite part of these gatherings is the ho-ho-hugs!

A funny Christmas memory

When Matt was little, at Christmas I would sometimes ask a friend to take him shopping to get me a Christmas present. I felt that I needed to teach him about giving, so I would give a friend some money for him to shop for me.

One year when he was 7 or 8 years old, I took him to the store myself. We went to a small drugstore that had mirrors at the top of the walls so I could see him and make sure no one bothered him. I gave him $20 and walked him through the store to give him some ideas of what he could get me. I pointed out things like candles, lotion, earrings, bubble bath and the like. I showed him where I would be waiting for him and off he went.

After a few minutes, Matt came back and asked if he could get something for himself, too. I told him that would be okay. So off he went again and a short time later he was done with his purchase. As we walked to the car, he excitedly showed me the cool Hot Wheels set he got for himself, keeping my gift hidden in the bag.

After showing me his new toy, Matt said, "You might think I spent more on my toy than your present, but they were the same, Mom. I promise." After we got home, Matt happily played with his new toy. At some point he got my gift wrapped and under the tree. On Christmas morning, I cracked up when I opened my present from Matt--it was a hairbrush!

Cost of a hairbrush: $3
Cost of a Hot Wheels set: $15
Cost of this Christmas memory: priceless

My Christmas Story

It was December 1992, just a few days before Christmas, when there was an unexpected knock at my door. When I opened the door, there was a Fed Ex delivery person with two huge boxes. I was definitely not expecting anything, so this delivery was a surprise.

I moved the boxes into the living room and opened them immediately. I just could not imagine what I would be getting, and in such big boxes. Matt was just a little guy at the time, not quite two and a half, so he was right by my side as I opened the boxes. I opened the first box and found gift after gift after gift, tagged for me and Matt. The second box was more of the same, plus I found the following note:

My co-workers from my last job had “adopted” me and Matt for Christmas that year, continuing a department tradition that had started a few years prior to adopt a “needy” family. Just a few months before, I had made the decision to relocate to the Northwest to move away from an unhealthy situation with Matt’s father. I left my home, my family, my friends, and a great job that I loved to move to the Northwest and an unknown future.

I was 29 years old and it was the first Christmas that I would not be spending with my family. (And I love Christmas with my family!) I had no job and I had no friends. And I had a little guy who deserved to experience the wonders of the season. I was trying to make the best of our situation, but it was hard. I think that was the year that I finally understood firsthand how powerful the lyrics are to I’ll Be Home for Christmas. I think I cried every time I heard it that year because it would only be in my dreams that we would be in the middle of a large family gathering, hearing stories, exchanging presents, laughing, and being loved by my family.

I was crying as I took each carefully wrapped package out of the boxes. The friends and coworkers I left behind made it so clear that we were not forgotten, that we were still cared for and supported from afar. Little Matty was so confused – he was old enough to know that presents were good, but his Momma was crying, which was not good. I could not believe how many presents we had.

In addition to the presents, they also included photos with little dialogue bubbles from everyone in the department.

At a time in my life when I was feeling lonely and sad, it was as if everyone from my old job had reached out to give us a group hug. We were warm in the embrace of their act of kindness. I don’t think I have had a harder holiday season to get through, but this was such a thoughtful “gift” that meant so much more than the actual presents we received that day.

(There were plenty of gifts and it took all day for us to open them on Christmas. Matt would open a present and be quite content to play with it, so he had to be encouraged to open another one. And another. And another. It took hours to get them all opened.)

The gifts I received that day have stayed with me all these years. It was experiencing firsthand the spirit of generosity and the goodness of people. It was knowing the importance of reaching out to people who are alone and might be struggling through the holidays. It was about how a gesture, such as buying a gift for a little boy, might not seem that important, but how it can make all the difference in a day or even in a life. It was about how every act of kindness can have lasting impact, even if we have long forgotten what we did.

I will never forget what my coworkers did for Matt and me that Christmas. In the years since, we have had opportunity to pay it forward by adopting a family or choosing a child from a Christmas giving tree. I do believe it is better to give than receive, but back in 1992, what I needed was exactly what we got, which was to receive the love and kindness bestowed upon us by my former coworkers. That is my amazing Christmas story. (If you would like to read another, from this year, check out this blog post.)

Six-Word Sunday

Long ago kindness still moves me!

Happy anniversary, Matt!

Matt, what a special day this is – you have reached 12 months of sobriety! This last year has been truly amazing and you have shown me that there is always, always hope for things to get better. You have shown me that people can change. You have shown me that it is important to stand by the people we love and never give up on them. You have taught me that we all have challenges in life which can seem insurmountable, but can be overcome. You have shown me that everyone has a story, that there is more to a person than what can readily be seen. You have helped me look at the world in a different way, because beneath the surface, there can be so much heartache and pain tucked away. You have taught me to put away my judgments about what I see, and to think about what I do not see, what I do not know. You have taught me that I can still stretch and grown and learn. You have reminded me to appreciate the quiet moments, the time with the people I love. You have helped me understand more about myself, and in so doing, more about other people. You have inspired me to believe, to reclaim my optimism. You have restored my hope in what the future will bring. You have changed your life, and in so doing, you have changed me! Thank you for a happy year and happy one year to you!

Mom

Thursday Thanks

Tomorrow night I am going to have a special dinner with Matt, just the two of us because his girls have gone out of town to visit relatives for the holidays.We haven't spent much time together lately because Matt is smitten with Brooke (and her daughter, BG), so he spends most of his free time with them.

Today I am thankful for anticipation and all of the feelings that come with it.I am excited for the work week to end, not because of work, but because I have something so wonderful to look forward to!

Jingle Bells

One of my holiday traditions is to hang bells on all of the doorknobs in my house. This is a handed down tradition from my Mom, though she didn't have bells on every door in her house.

There is something festive about having the bells in my house, ringing each time a door is opened or closed. It's a simple thing, but for me jingle bells is one of the sounds of the season.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In 1981, when my first niece, Lisa, was born, I decided to make her a Christmas stocking. I had never made a stocking before, but when I was growing up, I and all of my siblings had these wonderful felt stockings that had been made by my grandmother. Each one was unique and we really enjoyed having them.

So, little Lisa was born in September of 1981 and her Auntie Barb made her a stocking. (On a side note, my grandma taught me to "put a sock in the sock," so the stockings I made are lined thanks to my Grandma's tip.) Well, the next baby born in our family was Lisa's little brother, Brian, so I wanted to make him a stocking, too. Then a few months later, on my 21st birthday, my nephew, Stanley, was born, and naturally I had to make him a stocking. The next year, Stan's little brother, Billy, was born and of course I decided to make a stocking for him as well.

Without making a conscious decision to make stockings for all of my nieces and nephews, one birth led to another and with each a stocking was made. The challenging year was when all five of my siblings had babies (Annie, Laurie, Kalie, Kyle and Ben). I definitely got behind that year on making Christmas stockings! Oh, you know I had to make a stocking for my Matty, too!

Here are photos of some of the stockings:

Sadly, I do not know what happened to the stocking that my Grandma made me, so my hope is that the stockings I made for my nieces and nephews are still hung by the chimney with care!

It's the thought that counts

It's the thought that counts...is a saying I have heard many times and I believe it to be true. If someone takes the time to give me a gift, it really doesn't matter what it is, though some gifts are better than others (naturally). I appreciate that another person thought of me and spent time choosing a gift for me.

Today someone gave me a gift and when I showed it to Matt, he said, "Why did you get that?" I honestly did not know, but even though the gift was something I might not have chosen, it was still thoughtful. One of my favorite gifts is a pair of pajamas that my mom gave to me and my sister. The fabric is one that does not appeal to me in any way, but let me tell you, they are the most comfortable pair of jammies. I think sometimes when I get a gift, it might expose me to something I would never buy for myself that I end up really liking.

When I choose gifts for people, I know I don't always get it right. Some folks are hard to buy for, others don't need anything and what my budget can afford might not be wanted, so being creative with gifts can be fun. One of my favorite gifts to give is framed photos. A couple of years ago I gave all of my siblings a framed photo of my mom from when she was a teenager. Since none of them had this particular photo, they loved it. Not expensive, but hopefully meaningful.

Whether I am giving or receiving a gift, it truly is the thought that counts. Tomorrow I will post about one of the most memorable and amazing Christmas presents I ever received.

Six-Word Sunday

"My life is perfect right now."
Said today by Matt to our friend Doreen.

Oh, sweet love...

When I came home from an evening of Christmas shopping, this is what awaited me:

It's a basket of baby supplies for Baby Girl, who I will call BG from here on out. (I am honoring her mother's wishes not to post her photo or information on the Internet.) Her mom, Brooke, had asked me if I would be okay with having some of BG's supplies on hand and I told her of course. I want both of Matt's girls to feel comfortable and at home when they are here.

For a little one, that means having lots of stuff. Tomorrow I am meeting up with a friend who has some baby items she is going to loan me. I don't know exactly what I am getting, but I know it will make it easier and more fun for BG to be here. Though BG has been in Matt's life and my life for a short time, already my heart is melting at the thought of her. She is sweet and adorable and being around her fills me with love and hope.

Oh, sweet love...be here often and fill my home and heart with your goodness!

Celebrating the season

Tonight I went to a holiday party hosted by one of my co-workers. It was a lovely gathering with good food and drink, laughter, and fun. As I drove home, I realized how very much I appreciate having this special time to socialize with the people I work with, day in and day out.

We work at a community college and this group of people are all administrators with a lot of responsibility. There is not enough time in the day to get the work done, so consequently when we are at work, we do minimal socializing. We spend a lot of time in meetings and working on priority lists and initiatives. It is go, go, go--all the time!

How refreshing, then, to spend a few hours just enjoying these fine people and their partners. As we gathered round the kitchen island and regaled each other with stories of the holiday season with our families, I was reminded that we are all the same in wanting to make meaningful memories with those we love. As we laughed our way through an ornament exchange (with the fun "stealing" rule), I learned that I have something in common with one of the women who also makes homemade ornaments. In the years we have worked together, it never occurred to me that she, too, might enjoy crafts.

The time, the place, the setting--and yes, the season--allowed us to shed our titles at the door and gather as friends enjoying an evening together. There were no deadlines or impossible demands to meet, but rather it was a chance to connect with each other in a personal and intimate way that does not happen in the workplace. Instead of a dean or director, I spent time with a mom, a storyteller, a husband in love with his wife, a gal with a wicked sense of humor, a man who has an incredible light display outside his house timed with music, a woman who loves her little girls to no end, a wife in love with her husband.

I hope that on Monday when I am back at my desk, the memories from this night will push through the deadlines and demands so that I can see them clearly and fully for who they are in the world, not just in the workplace.

Thursday Thanks (on friday)

Earlier today I realized that I did not blog last night. I guess I was so busy finishing my Christmas cards and making food for a holiday party I went to tonight that I completely overlooked posting to my blog. This, then, is what I meant to blog about yesterday.

Today I am thankful for young love, the early days in a relationship when the whole world seems different, better, because of finding someone special to share it with. It is truly delightful to watch my son as he and his girlfriend grow closer.

Matt has a sparkle in his eyes and a spring in his step these days and I know a lot of that is because of Brooke. When he talks to her on the phone, there is a tenderness in his voice that is for her alone. When they are together, they are physically affectionate and tuned in to each other. They spend as much time together as they can, which means lots of late nights since Matt works full time during the day.

They are young and in love, and I am thankful for it!

Getting carded

My family and friends are about to get carded. Supplies at the ready, it is time for me to send my Christmas cards. I think that I have sent Christmas cards every year since I moved out of my parents house, which was over 25 years ago. I enjoy picking just the right card with a meaningful sentiment. (Hi, my name is Barbara, and I am a card-a-holic.) A couple of times I made my own cards, but holey-moley, that is time consuming!

The ritual of writing out personalized greetings to everyone is one I enjoy. Some years I include a photo--I will be this year--and some years I don't. Sometimes I have to find just the right pen or stamp or sticker to complement the card. This year I made my own labels, laboring over the color and font to jazz them up.

Whatever the details, I always think about the person or family I am sending the card to and what they mean in my life. Lots are family members (I love being from a big family), some are new friends, but most have been in my life for a long time. Each represents a different chapter or place in my life and the links that have remained over the years are important to me.

Even if Christmas is the only time we are in touch, for me there is something special in that exchange of cards which says, "You are important to me, even if we haven't seen in each other in years. Your mark on my life is permanent and I appreciate you." I love getting the mail during the holidays because there is the chance that I might have received Christmas cards. When I do, I open each one with anticipation, relishing the messages, photos and newsletters inside. I typically display the cards I receive in some fashion and it is with reluctance that I put them away at the end of the holiday season.

Ladies and gentlemen, let the carding begin!

Chef Matt

My boy, who is 20, is turning into quite the chef. In recent months, he has taken quite an interest in cooking. Matt has been making dinner on occasion, he makes breakfast sometimes, and he has also started baking. It has been really fun to watch him explore and get creative in the kitchen. His girlfriend, Brooke, is also a good cook, so I think she is inspiring him to cook even more.

Last week he brought home burrito bowls from Chipotle. It was my first time having food from Chipotle and it was really good. Tonight when I got home, Matt was in the kitchen and he told me he was making burrito bowls for dinner. He concocted a fabulous dish, cooking black beans, Spanish rice, taco meat, and sauteing veggies. He also made fresh guacamole and dished it all up in a bowl topped with lettuce and salsa. Yum-my!

Chipotle photo

Speaking of cooking, tonight I made one of my favorite desserts, which is lemon squares from a recipe from my maternal Grandmother, Ethel. I don't make them very often and I don't recall the last time I made them, so as I was thinking about what to make for a get together at work tomorrow, I decided to make lemon squares. However, they are soooooo good, the lemon squares are staying at home and I will be taking peanut clusters (homemade) to work tomorrow.

By the way, a few years ago for my birthday, my sweet mother, Marian, gave me a handwritten cookbook with all of her favorite recipes from over the years. You can see in the picture that this special book includes my grandma's lemon squares, a family favorite!

Funny Girl

I think I have mentioned before that I am a night owl, so I often watch late night TV. I've been a Letterman fan since he first started on late night, and before Dave I was a huge Carson fan, thanks to watching Johnny with my mother starting in my teens.

These days one of the shows I enjoy most is Chelsea Lately with Chelsea Handler. She is irreverent, sometimes does some kind of lame comedy sketches, she has a great sidekick named Chuy and overall just makes me laugh. If I am awake at 11:00 p.m. and watching TV, Chelsea is my girl. I have also enjoyed reading her books, Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea and Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang.

Here are some of her quotes:
"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around."

"He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her. He was minutes from getting his first period. He wrote poems too. It's my personal belief that if men are writing poems, they're making up for something else like a big hair back, or one ball. Not that one ball is a bad thing. Especially since I don't know any females who are dying to their their hands on a set of balls. The way I see it, the less balls, the better."

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”

Like I said, Chelsea is funny girl!

Six-Word Sunday

O Christmas Tree

O Christmas Tree

 

  

My Girls

There isn’t much better in this life than finding a way to spend a few hours in conversation with people you respect and love. You have to carve this time out of your life because you aren’t really living without it. --Real Live Preacher

This morning I got to do one of my favorite things, which is to go out to breakfast with two of my closest friends. We are reestablishing a tradition of going to breakfast on the first Saturday of each month. We rotate choosing the restaurant and over the years we have had a lot of fun going to new places, trying new things and enjoying some longtime favorites.

These lovely ladies, Cari and Toni, are amazing friends. I cannot adequately capture in words how much they mean to me and how much they bless my life.

The best way I can describe their friendships is to say that they love me exactly as I am, warts and all. I can be myself and be transparent about my feelings, good or bad, and they are there for me, accepting me and supporting me. There have been times when they have been there for me when I didn't even know I needed someone or when I was so overwhelmed in the midst of a crisis that I couldn't reach out to ask for help. In the good times, they share my joy and laughter, and in the bad they sustain me.

At our Saturday breakfasts, we spend hours catching up on life--work, relationships, children, challenges, opportunities, crazy ideas--the conversation runs the gamut. No subject is off limits, and as we share, we also support, advise, and hold each other accountable. I know that any advice or questions I get come from a place of love, so they always have my best interests at heart, even if that means holding up a mirror so that I can see myself more clearly.

I have spent countless hours in conversation with Cari and Toni and I have learned and grown so much because of them. I look forward to many more Saturday breakfasts with my girls!

Oh, what a feeling!

At this very moment, I am experiencing one of the very best feelings in the world. I have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl sleeping in my arms. She is the daughter of my son's girlfriend. It has been quite a while since I have had a little one in my home. I love holding this baby girl as she falls asleep. She snuggles in to me and I get lost in her eyes. It takes a little while for her to surrender to being tired, so there are moments where her little feet move back and forth and occasionally she clenched her tiny hands. At one point as I am singing her a lullaby, she reaches out and grabs my nose and mouth over and over. A couple of times this little punkin' starts cooing contentedly and that is sweet music to my ears. I know I should take baby girl to a bedroom and put her to sleep on a bed, but I think I will savor this feeling just a while longer.

Thursday Thanks - it's the little things

Sometimes it's the little things that make all the difference. The difference between feeling happy or sad, appreciated or taken for granted, included or separate, functional or dysfunctional, the same or different.

Some of the little things that have created positive energy for me of late are coming home to find my son fixing the leak under the kitchen sink, having a door moved out of my office at work, getting a phone call from my sister, having lunch with friends, and learning about a technology I want to use. Each on its own is nothing to write home about, but collectively they represent good not bad, better not worse, forward not back, yes not no, breathing not grimacing.

There are not many days where BIG things happen, but when they do, they leave their mark in some fashion and sometimes those big things can take over weeks or months or even years of our lives. But every day there are little things that happen that mesh and weave and join and flow to create the energy and emotions that represent how we feel about life.

Today I am thankful for the little things...

December Delights

It’s the first of December and the holiday season is in full swing. I really enjoy the holidays, mostly because we seem to take more time to connect with people we care about and spend more time with the people we love. There are many things that I do in December which, to me, are quite delightful!

My house never looks better than when it is dressed up with cheery Christmas lights. Okay, some years I have to make sure I don’t lose it when I am untangling lights and figuring out which strings don’t work anymore because were attacked by the Grinch between seasons. The payoff is well worth it, though, every time I come home and my house is lit up.

I love having a real Christmas tree in my house because it smells so good. I love decorating the tree and looking at all of the ornaments I have collected over the years. Many have been gifts from family and friends, but the very best are those Matt made when he was a boy.

In another post I wrote about my enchantment with greeting cards, so suffice to say that I enjoy choosing the Christmas cards I send and writing personal messages to everyone. I love, love, love the cards I receive each year and in my own “I swear I am not a hoarder” tradition, I keep the Christmas cards I receive.

At the end of the season, I go through all the Christmas cards I received and update the side of my fridge with the new photos. It is right by the door to the garage through which I enter and leave my house, so I look at those photos all year long.

I am not an expert chef by any means, but I have a few amazingly simple recipes for holidays cookies and candies which make wonderful treats for sharing during the holiday season. It is always fun to make sweets for other people and I appreciate it when someone gives me homemade goodies.

I don’t usually spend very much or buy very many presents for my family and friends, but each gift is selected with love. Matt is my favorite gift recipient (no surprise there) and aside from the special gifts he gets, I like continuing the tradition of buying him things like jammies, undies, socks and toothbrushes.

The holidays certainly are a busy time, but what can be better than a month of love and celebration? It’s December and it's de-lightful, it's de-licious, it's de-lovely!