Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

Today is the last day of 2010 and while I am looking forward to a new year, I am also reflecting on the last 365 days. What an amazing, wonderful year this has been. Much the same as 2009 was the worst year of my life, 2010 has been the best year of my life! I am grateful that the two happened back-to-back, because the challenges of 2009 had diminished my joy for life and I needed a bad-ass, full of good things year to swing the pendulum the other way. While there are and always will be challenges in my life, this year is ending at a time when I feel so incredibly blessed for all that I have and everyone that I know.

At the top of my list, my own sweet boy, Matty, is happier than I have ever seen him. Matt has had an epiphanous year; he has learned much about himself and is becoming such a fine man. He is in a healthy and happy relationship with Brooke, and the blessing on top of that blessing is her daughter, BG (as previously noted, I am using the pseudonym Baby Girl). Matt is in love with the pair of them, and it fills my heart with warmth and joy to see how tender, kind and caring he is with his girls. There is nothing more fulfilling as a parent than seeing my adult child making good choices and loving his life!

Like Matt, I have learned a lot about myself this year. I think I am most content to know that my capacity for learning, changing and growing is still intact. As I settle in to mid-life, I have at times wondered if I am becoming too set in my ways. What 2010 has taught me, as I compare and contrast it with 2009, is that I can be thrown into new situations, sometimes hard, unappealing or even unimaginable, and I can get through them. What at first is scary or unknown can become part of a new normal, and I will be okay. Strike that. I will not only be okay, but my capacity for empathy and caring will actually expand, and I will be better than I was before because my understanding about life and humanity has amplified.

2010 unfolded and changed in ways I never expected or could have anticipated. As it draws to a close, I sit here happy, content, full of joy for where I am at this moment in my life. I have an amazing son, my parents are healthy and happy, my siblings and their families are all doing well, and I have been richly blessed with incredible friends. I have a good job, a nice home, and truly want for nothing because I am privileged to live in the richest country in the world.

I am thankful for 2010 being a kick-ass year and I am excited to say, "Hello, 2011!"

Thursday Thanks

Today I am thankful for the many holiday gatherings that I have been to and that still remain. It has been so wonderful to spend time relaxing with friends. And my favorite part of these gatherings is the ho-ho-hugs!

A funny Christmas memory

When Matt was little, at Christmas I would sometimes ask a friend to take him shopping to get me a Christmas present. I felt that I needed to teach him about giving, so I would give a friend some money for him to shop for me.

One year when he was 7 or 8 years old, I took him to the store myself. We went to a small drugstore that had mirrors at the top of the walls so I could see him and make sure no one bothered him. I gave him $20 and walked him through the store to give him some ideas of what he could get me. I pointed out things like candles, lotion, earrings, bubble bath and the like. I showed him where I would be waiting for him and off he went.

After a few minutes, Matt came back and asked if he could get something for himself, too. I told him that would be okay. So off he went again and a short time later he was done with his purchase. As we walked to the car, he excitedly showed me the cool Hot Wheels set he got for himself, keeping my gift hidden in the bag.

After showing me his new toy, Matt said, "You might think I spent more on my toy than your present, but they were the same, Mom. I promise." After we got home, Matt happily played with his new toy. At some point he got my gift wrapped and under the tree. On Christmas morning, I cracked up when I opened my present from Matt--it was a hairbrush!

Cost of a hairbrush: $3
Cost of a Hot Wheels set: $15
Cost of this Christmas memory: priceless

My Christmas Story

It was December 1992, just a few days before Christmas, when there was an unexpected knock at my door. When I opened the door, there was a Fed Ex delivery person with two huge boxes. I was definitely not expecting anything, so this delivery was a surprise.

I moved the boxes into the living room and opened them immediately. I just could not imagine what I would be getting, and in such big boxes. Matt was just a little guy at the time, not quite two and a half, so he was right by my side as I opened the boxes. I opened the first box and found gift after gift after gift, tagged for me and Matt. The second box was more of the same, plus I found the following note:

My co-workers from my last job had “adopted” me and Matt for Christmas that year, continuing a department tradition that had started a few years prior to adopt a “needy” family. Just a few months before, I had made the decision to relocate to the Northwest to move away from an unhealthy situation with Matt’s father. I left my home, my family, my friends, and a great job that I loved to move to the Northwest and an unknown future.

I was 29 years old and it was the first Christmas that I would not be spending with my family. (And I love Christmas with my family!) I had no job and I had no friends. And I had a little guy who deserved to experience the wonders of the season. I was trying to make the best of our situation, but it was hard. I think that was the year that I finally understood firsthand how powerful the lyrics are to I’ll Be Home for Christmas. I think I cried every time I heard it that year because it would only be in my dreams that we would be in the middle of a large family gathering, hearing stories, exchanging presents, laughing, and being loved by my family.

I was crying as I took each carefully wrapped package out of the boxes. The friends and coworkers I left behind made it so clear that we were not forgotten, that we were still cared for and supported from afar. Little Matty was so confused – he was old enough to know that presents were good, but his Momma was crying, which was not good. I could not believe how many presents we had.

In addition to the presents, they also included photos with little dialogue bubbles from everyone in the department.

At a time in my life when I was feeling lonely and sad, it was as if everyone from my old job had reached out to give us a group hug. We were warm in the embrace of their act of kindness. I don’t think I have had a harder holiday season to get through, but this was such a thoughtful “gift” that meant so much more than the actual presents we received that day.

(There were plenty of gifts and it took all day for us to open them on Christmas. Matt would open a present and be quite content to play with it, so he had to be encouraged to open another one. And another. And another. It took hours to get them all opened.)

The gifts I received that day have stayed with me all these years. It was experiencing firsthand the spirit of generosity and the goodness of people. It was knowing the importance of reaching out to people who are alone and might be struggling through the holidays. It was about how a gesture, such as buying a gift for a little boy, might not seem that important, but how it can make all the difference in a day or even in a life. It was about how every act of kindness can have lasting impact, even if we have long forgotten what we did.

I will never forget what my coworkers did for Matt and me that Christmas. In the years since, we have had opportunity to pay it forward by adopting a family or choosing a child from a Christmas giving tree. I do believe it is better to give than receive, but back in 1992, what I needed was exactly what we got, which was to receive the love and kindness bestowed upon us by my former coworkers. That is my amazing Christmas story. (If you would like to read another, from this year, check out this blog post.)

Six-Word Sunday

Long ago kindness still moves me!

Happy anniversary, Matt!

Matt, what a special day this is – you have reached 12 months of sobriety! This last year has been truly amazing and you have shown me that there is always, always hope for things to get better. You have shown me that people can change. You have shown me that it is important to stand by the people we love and never give up on them. You have taught me that we all have challenges in life which can seem insurmountable, but can be overcome. You have shown me that everyone has a story, that there is more to a person than what can readily be seen. You have helped me look at the world in a different way, because beneath the surface, there can be so much heartache and pain tucked away. You have taught me to put away my judgments about what I see, and to think about what I do not see, what I do not know. You have taught me that I can still stretch and grown and learn. You have reminded me to appreciate the quiet moments, the time with the people I love. You have helped me understand more about myself, and in so doing, more about other people. You have inspired me to believe, to reclaim my optimism. You have restored my hope in what the future will bring. You have changed your life, and in so doing, you have changed me! Thank you for a happy year and happy one year to you!

Mom

Thursday Thanks

Tomorrow night I am going to have a special dinner with Matt, just the two of us because his girls have gone out of town to visit relatives for the holidays.We haven't spent much time together lately because Matt is smitten with Brooke (and her daughter, BG), so he spends most of his free time with them.

Today I am thankful for anticipation and all of the feelings that come with it.I am excited for the work week to end, not because of work, but because I have something so wonderful to look forward to!

Jingle Bells

One of my holiday traditions is to hang bells on all of the doorknobs in my house. This is a handed down tradition from my Mom, though she didn't have bells on every door in her house.

There is something festive about having the bells in my house, ringing each time a door is opened or closed. It's a simple thing, but for me jingle bells is one of the sounds of the season.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In 1981, when my first niece, Lisa, was born, I decided to make her a Christmas stocking. I had never made a stocking before, but when I was growing up, I and all of my siblings had these wonderful felt stockings that had been made by my grandmother. Each one was unique and we really enjoyed having them.

So, little Lisa was born in September of 1981 and her Auntie Barb made her a stocking. (On a side note, my grandma taught me to "put a sock in the sock," so the stockings I made are lined thanks to my Grandma's tip.) Well, the next baby born in our family was Lisa's little brother, Brian, so I wanted to make him a stocking, too. Then a few months later, on my 21st birthday, my nephew, Stanley, was born, and naturally I had to make him a stocking. The next year, Stan's little brother, Billy, was born and of course I decided to make a stocking for him as well.

Without making a conscious decision to make stockings for all of my nieces and nephews, one birth led to another and with each a stocking was made. The challenging year was when all five of my siblings had babies (Annie, Laurie, Kalie, Kyle and Ben). I definitely got behind that year on making Christmas stockings! Oh, you know I had to make a stocking for my Matty, too!

Here are photos of some of the stockings:

Sadly, I do not know what happened to the stocking that my Grandma made me, so my hope is that the stockings I made for my nieces and nephews are still hung by the chimney with care!

It's the thought that counts

It's the thought that counts...is a saying I have heard many times and I believe it to be true. If someone takes the time to give me a gift, it really doesn't matter what it is, though some gifts are better than others (naturally). I appreciate that another person thought of me and spent time choosing a gift for me.

Today someone gave me a gift and when I showed it to Matt, he said, "Why did you get that?" I honestly did not know, but even though the gift was something I might not have chosen, it was still thoughtful. One of my favorite gifts is a pair of pajamas that my mom gave to me and my sister. The fabric is one that does not appeal to me in any way, but let me tell you, they are the most comfortable pair of jammies. I think sometimes when I get a gift, it might expose me to something I would never buy for myself that I end up really liking.

When I choose gifts for people, I know I don't always get it right. Some folks are hard to buy for, others don't need anything and what my budget can afford might not be wanted, so being creative with gifts can be fun. One of my favorite gifts to give is framed photos. A couple of years ago I gave all of my siblings a framed photo of my mom from when she was a teenager. Since none of them had this particular photo, they loved it. Not expensive, but hopefully meaningful.

Whether I am giving or receiving a gift, it truly is the thought that counts. Tomorrow I will post about one of the most memorable and amazing Christmas presents I ever received.

Six-Word Sunday

"My life is perfect right now."
Said today by Matt to our friend Doreen.

Oh, sweet love...

When I came home from an evening of Christmas shopping, this is what awaited me:

It's a basket of baby supplies for Baby Girl, who I will call BG from here on out. (I am honoring her mother's wishes not to post her photo or information on the Internet.) Her mom, Brooke, had asked me if I would be okay with having some of BG's supplies on hand and I told her of course. I want both of Matt's girls to feel comfortable and at home when they are here.

For a little one, that means having lots of stuff. Tomorrow I am meeting up with a friend who has some baby items she is going to loan me. I don't know exactly what I am getting, but I know it will make it easier and more fun for BG to be here. Though BG has been in Matt's life and my life for a short time, already my heart is melting at the thought of her. She is sweet and adorable and being around her fills me with love and hope.

Oh, sweet love...be here often and fill my home and heart with your goodness!

Celebrating the season

Tonight I went to a holiday party hosted by one of my co-workers. It was a lovely gathering with good food and drink, laughter, and fun. As I drove home, I realized how very much I appreciate having this special time to socialize with the people I work with, day in and day out.

We work at a community college and this group of people are all administrators with a lot of responsibility. There is not enough time in the day to get the work done, so consequently when we are at work, we do minimal socializing. We spend a lot of time in meetings and working on priority lists and initiatives. It is go, go, go--all the time!

How refreshing, then, to spend a few hours just enjoying these fine people and their partners. As we gathered round the kitchen island and regaled each other with stories of the holiday season with our families, I was reminded that we are all the same in wanting to make meaningful memories with those we love. As we laughed our way through an ornament exchange (with the fun "stealing" rule), I learned that I have something in common with one of the women who also makes homemade ornaments. In the years we have worked together, it never occurred to me that she, too, might enjoy crafts.

The time, the place, the setting--and yes, the season--allowed us to shed our titles at the door and gather as friends enjoying an evening together. There were no deadlines or impossible demands to meet, but rather it was a chance to connect with each other in a personal and intimate way that does not happen in the workplace. Instead of a dean or director, I spent time with a mom, a storyteller, a husband in love with his wife, a gal with a wicked sense of humor, a man who has an incredible light display outside his house timed with music, a woman who loves her little girls to no end, a wife in love with her husband.

I hope that on Monday when I am back at my desk, the memories from this night will push through the deadlines and demands so that I can see them clearly and fully for who they are in the world, not just in the workplace.

Thursday Thanks (on friday)

Earlier today I realized that I did not blog last night. I guess I was so busy finishing my Christmas cards and making food for a holiday party I went to tonight that I completely overlooked posting to my blog. This, then, is what I meant to blog about yesterday.

Today I am thankful for young love, the early days in a relationship when the whole world seems different, better, because of finding someone special to share it with. It is truly delightful to watch my son as he and his girlfriend grow closer.

Matt has a sparkle in his eyes and a spring in his step these days and I know a lot of that is because of Brooke. When he talks to her on the phone, there is a tenderness in his voice that is for her alone. When they are together, they are physically affectionate and tuned in to each other. They spend as much time together as they can, which means lots of late nights since Matt works full time during the day.

They are young and in love, and I am thankful for it!

Getting carded

My family and friends are about to get carded. Supplies at the ready, it is time for me to send my Christmas cards. I think that I have sent Christmas cards every year since I moved out of my parents house, which was over 25 years ago. I enjoy picking just the right card with a meaningful sentiment. (Hi, my name is Barbara, and I am a card-a-holic.) A couple of times I made my own cards, but holey-moley, that is time consuming!

The ritual of writing out personalized greetings to everyone is one I enjoy. Some years I include a photo--I will be this year--and some years I don't. Sometimes I have to find just the right pen or stamp or sticker to complement the card. This year I made my own labels, laboring over the color and font to jazz them up.

Whatever the details, I always think about the person or family I am sending the card to and what they mean in my life. Lots are family members (I love being from a big family), some are new friends, but most have been in my life for a long time. Each represents a different chapter or place in my life and the links that have remained over the years are important to me.

Even if Christmas is the only time we are in touch, for me there is something special in that exchange of cards which says, "You are important to me, even if we haven't seen in each other in years. Your mark on my life is permanent and I appreciate you." I love getting the mail during the holidays because there is the chance that I might have received Christmas cards. When I do, I open each one with anticipation, relishing the messages, photos and newsletters inside. I typically display the cards I receive in some fashion and it is with reluctance that I put them away at the end of the holiday season.

Ladies and gentlemen, let the carding begin!

Chef Matt

My boy, who is 20, is turning into quite the chef. In recent months, he has taken quite an interest in cooking. Matt has been making dinner on occasion, he makes breakfast sometimes, and he has also started baking. It has been really fun to watch him explore and get creative in the kitchen. His girlfriend, Brooke, is also a good cook, so I think she is inspiring him to cook even more.

Last week he brought home burrito bowls from Chipotle. It was my first time having food from Chipotle and it was really good. Tonight when I got home, Matt was in the kitchen and he told me he was making burrito bowls for dinner. He concocted a fabulous dish, cooking black beans, Spanish rice, taco meat, and sauteing veggies. He also made fresh guacamole and dished it all up in a bowl topped with lettuce and salsa. Yum-my!

Chipotle photo

Speaking of cooking, tonight I made one of my favorite desserts, which is lemon squares from a recipe from my maternal Grandmother, Ethel. I don't make them very often and I don't recall the last time I made them, so as I was thinking about what to make for a get together at work tomorrow, I decided to make lemon squares. However, they are soooooo good, the lemon squares are staying at home and I will be taking peanut clusters (homemade) to work tomorrow.

By the way, a few years ago for my birthday, my sweet mother, Marian, gave me a handwritten cookbook with all of her favorite recipes from over the years. You can see in the picture that this special book includes my grandma's lemon squares, a family favorite!

Funny Girl

I think I have mentioned before that I am a night owl, so I often watch late night TV. I've been a Letterman fan since he first started on late night, and before Dave I was a huge Carson fan, thanks to watching Johnny with my mother starting in my teens.

These days one of the shows I enjoy most is Chelsea Lately with Chelsea Handler. She is irreverent, sometimes does some kind of lame comedy sketches, she has a great sidekick named Chuy and overall just makes me laugh. If I am awake at 11:00 p.m. and watching TV, Chelsea is my girl. I have also enjoyed reading her books, Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea and Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang.

Here are some of her quotes:
"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around."

"He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her. He was minutes from getting his first period. He wrote poems too. It's my personal belief that if men are writing poems, they're making up for something else like a big hair back, or one ball. Not that one ball is a bad thing. Especially since I don't know any females who are dying to their their hands on a set of balls. The way I see it, the less balls, the better."

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”

Like I said, Chelsea is funny girl!

Six-Word Sunday

O Christmas Tree

O Christmas Tree

 

  

My Girls

There isn’t much better in this life than finding a way to spend a few hours in conversation with people you respect and love. You have to carve this time out of your life because you aren’t really living without it. --Real Live Preacher

This morning I got to do one of my favorite things, which is to go out to breakfast with two of my closest friends. We are reestablishing a tradition of going to breakfast on the first Saturday of each month. We rotate choosing the restaurant and over the years we have had a lot of fun going to new places, trying new things and enjoying some longtime favorites.

These lovely ladies, Cari and Toni, are amazing friends. I cannot adequately capture in words how much they mean to me and how much they bless my life.

The best way I can describe their friendships is to say that they love me exactly as I am, warts and all. I can be myself and be transparent about my feelings, good or bad, and they are there for me, accepting me and supporting me. There have been times when they have been there for me when I didn't even know I needed someone or when I was so overwhelmed in the midst of a crisis that I couldn't reach out to ask for help. In the good times, they share my joy and laughter, and in the bad they sustain me.

At our Saturday breakfasts, we spend hours catching up on life--work, relationships, children, challenges, opportunities, crazy ideas--the conversation runs the gamut. No subject is off limits, and as we share, we also support, advise, and hold each other accountable. I know that any advice or questions I get come from a place of love, so they always have my best interests at heart, even if that means holding up a mirror so that I can see myself more clearly.

I have spent countless hours in conversation with Cari and Toni and I have learned and grown so much because of them. I look forward to many more Saturday breakfasts with my girls!

Oh, what a feeling!

At this very moment, I am experiencing one of the very best feelings in the world. I have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl sleeping in my arms. She is the daughter of my son's girlfriend. It has been quite a while since I have had a little one in my home. I love holding this baby girl as she falls asleep. She snuggles in to me and I get lost in her eyes. It takes a little while for her to surrender to being tired, so there are moments where her little feet move back and forth and occasionally she clenched her tiny hands. At one point as I am singing her a lullaby, she reaches out and grabs my nose and mouth over and over. A couple of times this little punkin' starts cooing contentedly and that is sweet music to my ears. I know I should take baby girl to a bedroom and put her to sleep on a bed, but I think I will savor this feeling just a while longer.

Thursday Thanks - it's the little things

Sometimes it's the little things that make all the difference. The difference between feeling happy or sad, appreciated or taken for granted, included or separate, functional or dysfunctional, the same or different.

Some of the little things that have created positive energy for me of late are coming home to find my son fixing the leak under the kitchen sink, having a door moved out of my office at work, getting a phone call from my sister, having lunch with friends, and learning about a technology I want to use. Each on its own is nothing to write home about, but collectively they represent good not bad, better not worse, forward not back, yes not no, breathing not grimacing.

There are not many days where BIG things happen, but when they do, they leave their mark in some fashion and sometimes those big things can take over weeks or months or even years of our lives. But every day there are little things that happen that mesh and weave and join and flow to create the energy and emotions that represent how we feel about life.

Today I am thankful for the little things...

December Delights

It’s the first of December and the holiday season is in full swing. I really enjoy the holidays, mostly because we seem to take more time to connect with people we care about and spend more time with the people we love. There are many things that I do in December which, to me, are quite delightful!

My house never looks better than when it is dressed up with cheery Christmas lights. Okay, some years I have to make sure I don’t lose it when I am untangling lights and figuring out which strings don’t work anymore because were attacked by the Grinch between seasons. The payoff is well worth it, though, every time I come home and my house is lit up.

I love having a real Christmas tree in my house because it smells so good. I love decorating the tree and looking at all of the ornaments I have collected over the years. Many have been gifts from family and friends, but the very best are those Matt made when he was a boy.

In another post I wrote about my enchantment with greeting cards, so suffice to say that I enjoy choosing the Christmas cards I send and writing personal messages to everyone. I love, love, love the cards I receive each year and in my own “I swear I am not a hoarder” tradition, I keep the Christmas cards I receive.

At the end of the season, I go through all the Christmas cards I received and update the side of my fridge with the new photos. It is right by the door to the garage through which I enter and leave my house, so I look at those photos all year long.

I am not an expert chef by any means, but I have a few amazingly simple recipes for holidays cookies and candies which make wonderful treats for sharing during the holiday season. It is always fun to make sweets for other people and I appreciate it when someone gives me homemade goodies.

I don’t usually spend very much or buy very many presents for my family and friends, but each gift is selected with love. Matt is my favorite gift recipient (no surprise there) and aside from the special gifts he gets, I like continuing the tradition of buying him things like jammies, undies, socks and toothbrushes.

The holidays certainly are a busy time, but what can be better than a month of love and celebration? It’s December and it's de-lightful, it's de-licious, it's de-lovely!

Note to self

Enough excuses. No more procrastination. You started this blog. So. Think. Write. Share. Often. Daily. In. December.

Thursday Thanks(giving)

My heart is full and I am thankful. It’s Thanksgiving 2010 and I am filled with wonder and awe at the blessings in my life. The past year has been truly amazing and stands in stark contrast to 2009, which can easily be categorized as the worst year of my life.

Without going into the details, I’ll say that my son, Matt, made some poor choices that had devastating consequences. My world was rocked and there were days so filled with stress and fear that I will never forget them. My faith was truly tested and at times my hope was gone. As December approached, my thought was, “Well, at least this year will end better than it started.” Sadly, that turned out to be far from the truth as yet another challenge with Matt arose just a week before Christmas.

Fast forward almost a year and our lives have changed dramatically. This year, 2010, is one of the best years of my life. My heart is full with gratitude for having Matt back, fully present and engaged in his life. All of the best parts of him – his intelligence, his sense of humor, his tender-heartedness, his warmth, his caring, his sensitivity, and his playfulness – are shining brightly. He is embracing life and is choosing to live above the influence, with almost a year of sobriety under his belt. Matt has learned from some really tough experiences in the last year and he has matured a lot because of them.

As parents, we want nothing more than for our children to be healthy and happy. When they aren’t and there is nothing we can do about it, it is hard. When they choose to go down a self-destructive path, it is devastating. After too many years of seeing Matt sell himself short, my heart is overflowing with thanks for all he has accomplished and become this year. I can say that every day with him this year has been positive in some way.

Today we spent the day with our good friends, the Hubbards, and it was emotional for me as I thought about today compared to the holidays last year. Oh, there are many things to be thankful for, such as our friends who have become part of our extended family, for the amazing bounty of food prepared with love and care, for the beautiful Northwest, for our homes and jobs and the richness that fills our lives.

What I am most thankful for today, though, is the quiet moments that I had with Matt today. At one point, we sat on the couch while everyone was hustling and bustling around us. We sat side by side, Matt had his arm around my shoulders, and we talked about our fish. It was a simple moment, but it was so full of promise and hope and love and thankfulness. Me and my boy, side by side, enjoying each other’s company, surrounded by people we love who love us in return.

And later, we had another quiet moment in which I told Matt how thankful I am for all he has done and become in the last year. As we were hugging, Kim grabbed my camera and captured this picture.

I told Matt that I loved him and he said, “There is no place I would rather be right now.” My heart is full and I am thankful.

Thursday Thanks

Happy Veterans Day and thank you to all of the women and men who have served our country.

Six-Word Sunday

Time with Matt;
what a gift!

Halloween Memories

My last post was a photo of me and my son, Matt, on Halloween. For his official costume, Matt dressed up as the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He even grew his hair out so that he could get a fade.

On Halloween, Matt donned an impromptu costume to hand out candy to the neighborhood kids. It totally reminded me of one of his costumes from when he was a kid. He loved this costume and it was a big hit at the church festival that year. All of the little kids kept asking Matt, "Who is under there?"



1997

Finding that photo led me to looking for other pics from Halloween and here is what I found:

1995

1994



1998

 

2001

1990 - First Halloween



1993



2001



1992

Six-Word Sunday

You're never too old for Halloween!

It sparkles, it shines--and it's all mine!

Yesterday I got something I have been wanting for a long, long time. I’ve tried countless times to get it before, but for lots of reasons, it has eluded me. Still, my longing for it never went away and every so often I would once again try to figure out how I could get it. My efforts and desires were never in sync, until yesterday.

I had to work to get it and I know that every time I see it, it will make me happy. Some people might think I am crazy for wanting it so badly and for never letting it get entirely out of my head. I would guess there are at least a few people who feel the same as I do. While it is not essential and these last years of my life have proven that I can live without it, it is a sight to behold.

It sparkles, it shines—and it is all mine! Look at it in all of its magnificence:

Do you see what I see? It is a toilet bowl that looks like it is brand new! It is shiny and white and oh so pretty. Yeah, well, now you know I am a bit of a goof because this makes me really happy. This commode in the guest bath was riddled with hard-water stains for years and try as I might, I could never get rid of them. I purchased so many different products, filled with hope each time that this would be the one that worked. And yesterday, it was! (I got a bathroom stone at Freddy’s for about $3; combined with some elbow grease, I ended up with the beauty before you!)

Oh, it sparkles, it shines—and it is all mine!

Six-Word Sunday

Satisfied from a very productive day.

Thursday Thanks

I am thankful for crisp, clear fall days. I love the blue sky in contrast to red, yellow and orange leaves. I love the slight chill in the air in the mornings, followed by afternoons that are comfortable, but not cold. I love seeing piles of leaves, knowing that on Halloween children will be scurrying through them as they race from house to house. I love the sunsets which color the  few clouds in the sky, making them look like fluffy, pink cotton candy. I love anticipating the arrival of the holidays and spending meaningful time with family and friends. I love fall!

Lessons on Living

As I previously mentioned, Ann, one of my co-workers and friends, has recently been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Ann has created a blog on CaringBridge and every day she posts to keep her family and friends up to date. In a little over a week, there have been over 1,100 visits to Ann's site, which is reflective of how much she is loved and also, I think, of the courage, grace and humor with which she is facing her current situation.

Every day I read what Ann has posted and there are lessons to be learned in watching this amazing woman create a community amongst all of the people who know her from the many chapters in her life. You see, even in the midst of this life-changing diagnosis, Ann is positive, focused on love and bringing people together. Here are a few of the lessons I have learned:

(These are Ann's words, not mine.)

• Life is learning about the world and yourself in that world.
• I like to think of being pulled along by joy rather than pushed by fear.
• Let your kites and your hearts fly free! No strings.
• No weeping, sobbing, tears, or deep sighs please.
• Jesus? I’m a fan of the man, but not a believer in the God. I like his message of love, peace, and generosity. I'd like it if more of his followers actually lived his lessons.
• I have faith that the power of love is stronger and longer lasting than the power of hate.
• You are like a strand of strong, beautiful pearls: each one on the string contributing to the wholeness of my life.
• Don't you think this is what a resume should look like? Not "look at what I've done" but "look at the people in my life?"
• Whoever said, “You’ll feel better after a good cry” was WRONG! I always feel worse. Now, a good laugh, a deeply belted out song – those will make me feel better!
• You also know that I am more comfortable with a half-assed plan than no plan at all. Make a plan! Who cares if you don’t know all the info? You’ll NEVER know all the info! Go. Do. Be. Make a list of things to do and then do them!
• OK, everybody. In Angie’s honor – go out there and do something that makes you want to shit your pants. It could be physical, or social, or emotional. What are you AFRAID of?? Do it anyway.
• “Sorry, this trumps your stupid little problems. Get over it! Get over yourself. Get over your fear. Realize that so much of what makes you nuts doesn't matter. What the f are you waiting for?????”
• This is the day folks! The one you have. What are you looking forward to? Do something that will build your capacity and resilience. (You never know when you’ll need it.)

Though her current situation has taken Ann out of the classroom, she continues to teach with every post and comment she makes on her blog. And I, for one, am thankful to be learning these lessons!

Six-Word Sunday

Courage shared inspires
hope and determination.

Thursday Thanks

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass. --Maya Angelou

Today I am thankful for the women in my life who go out and kick ass every day. With some, I admire their willingness to step out and speak up in the face of injustice. With others, I admire their quiet resilience to the challenges life throws their way. Some move me to tears because their capacity for love and acceptance knows no bounds. Others push me to find my strength and authentic self, acknowledging my potential. Others shower me and all around them with grace and mercy. Some lead by example and others follow with determination.

They teach, they laugh, they sing, they dance, they work, they play, they inspire, they thrill, they talk, they listen, they learn, and they love. They are friends, mothers, sisters, workers, neighbors; they are you and they are me and they kick ass!

A Fish Named Drake

A couple of months ago, my son, Matt, told me he was getting a fish. One of his good buddies was relocating to Florida and Matt agreed to “adopt” his fish. One day when I got home from work, they were moving in a fish tank and all of the related paraphernalia. The tank was put on the dresser in Matt’s room and the fish, an Oscar, was brought in once everything was set up. Matt decided to name the fish “Drake” after the rapper.

I told Matt I had no interest in “his” fish and that I would not be taking care of it. Matt said that wouldn’t be a problem and his friend taught him what he needed to do to take care of the fish. Not long after, a weekend came along where Matt was headed to the coast and I reluctantly agreed to feed the fish, but only because Matt was going to be gone.

It’s now two months later and somehow I feel like Drake is “my” fish, too. He has since been relocated to a 55 gallon tank in the living room and every day, I go in to check on the fish and talk to him. I wake up in the morning and stop in the living room to check on Drake. I get home from work and go in the living room to see how Drake is doing. Before I go to sleep at night, I’m in the living room checking on the fish. Sometimes I sit on the couch near the tank for a while so that Drake has some company. One day after playing racquetball, I stopped at the nearby pet store to talk to the fish lady to learn about taking care of the fish. And when I came home, I brought Drake a present of some more fake plants to put in his tank! (He has moved them around a bit and he likes to hide behind them. Who knew?)

How did this happen? It’s funny, because when Matt first got the fish I told him and some of his friends that I was 47 years old and had never had a fish tank. Why? Because in 47 years I never wanted a fish tank. Now not only do I have a big fish tank in my house, but there’s a little fish in it that has somehow captured a piece of my heart!

Six-Word Sunday

A quiet Sunday at home; sweet!

Of Life and Death and In Between

In the past week, I have experienced friends overjoyed at the birth of their first child, the death of a pillar of my community and a co-worker learning that she has not one, but two, brain tumors. Each of these occurrences serve to remind me that there are no guarantees in life and despite our best-laid plans and goals and to-do lists, sometimes we are faced with experiences, opportunities and challenges we never anticipated or conjured up when we imagined what life would bring our way.

Of life, there is so much hope, promise, and joy in anticipating the future when a baby is born. Who or what will this little person become? What will his personality be—shy, outgoing, funny, warm, sensitive? How will he make his mark on the world? Who will love him and who will he love? What will he be passionate about? What will he do with his life? There are no limitations when we think about a life that has yet to unfold.

Of death, the final limitation has been reached and there are no more questions, but only answers defining who a person was, how they lived, what was important to them. Family and friends are left behind, cherishing the memories of a shared life. Hopefully there is satisfaction in knowing that it was a life well-lived, with few regrets.

In between, there are good days and bad, triumphs and failures, sadness and elation. Sometimes things go as we expect, goals are reached and plans come to fruition. What we envisioned or dreamed about becomes reality. Other times, we are faced with challenges that can seem insurmountable and make us feel like we have been transported to some parallel universe that makes us ask, “How did I end up here?”

No matter the season of life—the beginning, the end, or the middle—I am reminded that there are no certainties and that every day I should love and cherish my family and friends and make sure they know it. I should say yes more than no to the opportunities and adventures that come my way. And I should live in the now and be present and fully engaged in the moments I have with the people I love.

First Day and the Firsts to Come

Today my friends, DeL'Aurore and Tim, are experiencing their first day as parents. When I got the news and saw a picture of their little love, Donovan, it brought tears to my eyes because I know today is the first of many firsts they will experience as parents.

Delly and Tim, my wish for you is that the wonder, happiness, awe and love that fills you on your first day with Donovan will be with you as you experience...

• His first smile.
• His first laugh.
• His first toothy grin.
• His first time lighting up when you enter the room.
• His first step.
• His first time saying "Mama" or "Dada."
• His first hug.
• His first time kissing you.
• His first hair cut.
• His first Halloween, Christmas, Easter.
• His first birthday.
• His first sleep over.
• His first play date.
• His first sentence.
• His first day at pre-school.
• His first time dressing himself.
• His first day of school.
• His first best friend.
• His first crush.
• His first time being mischievous.

Today is your first day experiencing your hearts expanding bigger and wider than you ever thought possible because of this little life that you have been blessed with and I know that you will constantly be amazed by a lifetime of firsts with Donovan!

A Mother's Promise

My last post, albeit brief, was about a memorial run that has taken place at Clark College for six years. While the run is held in memory of a remarkable young man, Kalani Rodrigues, I really want to talk about his incredible mom, Lori Jimerson. (You can read an article about Kalani and this year's run here.)

In December of 2004, I started working at the Clark College Foundation. I recall that in the first batch of emails I read as a brand new employee, there was an email about the passing of the son of two college employees (Lori and her husband, Skip). A few months later, I was fortunate to be part of the Foundation team that worked with Lori as she fulfilled her promise to Kalani to create a walk or run to bring awareness to brain cancer.

From when I first met Lori, I was impressed with her fortitude and determination to see Kalani's vision of a K-Rod run become a reality. Though her son had lost his battle just a few months earlier, Lori never sought sympathy or pity for her loss. Instead, she was focused on creating a walk/run that would bring to fruition Kalani's desire to ensure that brain cancer is not a lost cause.

Despite the challenges faced the first year and in the ensuing years, Lori has always been calm, even serene, as she has managed details big and small. She appreciates any contributions that people make to this memorial event - be it a kind word, a small monetary donation to the scholarship set up in Kalani's name, or a volunteer's time. In the face of doubters or naysayers, Lori responds with grace to thank them for their time or suggestions.

This year as I joined a volunteer meeting, Lori impressed me yet again as she shared from her heart some of the decisions the family has had to make about the nature and purpose of the event. What she made clear is that at the forefront of her mind is what Kalani would want or expect of the event. Lori is holding to her promise to her son that there would be a K-Rod Run and she is keeping it true to what Kalani envisioned.

I did not have the good fortune to know Kalani, but from my years of involvement with this event and in becoming friends with Lori, I feel like I do know him. Kalani was the best of human nature--kind, determined, fun-loving, generous, caring--and his impact on so many people and lives continues to grow. It is a testament to the young man he was that so many people come out to support the Kalani Rodrigues Memorial Walk/Run. It is a testament to his mother's commitment to keep her promise to him that Kalani's legacy lives on.

Six-Word Sunday

A mother's love

knows no end.

Six-Word Sunday

Congratulations, Tim & Uyen!

Love makes the

world go round!



The Glory of Nature

Often times in the busy-ness of life, my mind gets so full with all I have to do that I don't notice the beauty around me. I know I need to stop and smell the roses, but some days it is just rush, rush, rush. Today was one of those days as I was very busy at work and then I had to rush home to make it to the gym for racquetball at 6 pm.

When I left the gym, the glory of nature was on display before my very eyes in the form of a spectacular sunset. The colors in the sky were simply breathtaking. It was so gorgeous that instead of heading home after my racquetball game,I grabbed my camera and headed down to the river. The beauty of the early evening sky and sunset was like a magnet, pulling me away from my "to do" list and making me just stop to absorb the beauty before me.

It was simply fantastic!

Six-Word Sunday

Meals prepared with love taste best!

Six-Word Sunday

jazz

friends

wine

afternoon

evening

sublime

Thursday Thanks

I am thankful for the memories that hearing a song evokes and how a particular song can take me back to a specific time in my life. Tonight as I was on my way home from playing racquetball, I heard Hotel California and I was transported back in time...

• the year was 1977;
• the month was June;
• the event was my graduation from 8th grade (Catholic school);
• the happening was the 8th grade graduation dance;
• the crush was Stephen Denevan;
• and the final song of the night was Hotel California.

Reflections

My last post was about reflections making us see things differently. Today, after being in an all-day professional development session at work, I am again thinking about reflections. In the context of a group, often the reflections we are faced with come in the form of feedback from others. People will provide us with the ability to see things in a new or different way if we are willing to open our minds to a perspective that is different than our own.

I wonder, though, if we get feedback that is akin to standing in a 360 degree mirror, how we can fail to see parts of ourselves that are being reflected clearly? It's kind of like a woman asking, "Do these pants make my butt look fat?" and being given the reflection showing the answer to that question and refusing to believe what she sees. Maybe the answer is yes, maybe it's no; either way she chooses to cling to her own perception despite evidence to the contrary.

Sometimes the truth is hard to process, especially if what is being reflected to us is far different  from how we see ourselves. Instead of choosing to say the mirror (read feedback) is wrong, maybe we should step back, look at the mirror again, and if need be, get out the window cleaner to better see the reflection in front of us. And if we still don't believe what we see, perhaps it is time to look in another mirror, and another, to see if the reflection (read feedback) is the same. Doing so can only help us improve our relationships because it means we are willing to see ourselves as others see us.

I imagine members of my work group will all be spending time thinking about the feedback that was given today, looking in the mirrors that were graciously provided, with some wondering what's wrong with the mirrors. Hopefully if the reflection was not what we expected to see, we will all take time to consider it carefully to learn more about ourselves. As for me, I am headed off in search of the Windex.

Six-Word Sunday

Reflections make us

see things differently.

Thursday Thanks

Today I am thankful for brothers and feeling blessed because I have four! My big brothers are pictured above with our dad - Dave, Mark, Dad, Gary and Ron. While my brothers all live in California, they are with me every day in spirit and in my heart.

In the last 24 hours, two of my bros called me (Mark and Ron) and through conversations about life, I was reminded of what wonderful men my brothers have become. All of them are kind, caring, intelligent, loyal, protective, and fun; all of them are dedicated to their families and love their children fully and without reservation; all of them are mine, my brothers, my blessings!